Emotional Margin
As he began to speak I wondered what had happened the preceding week. Our conversation the last time I saw him was full of expectation for an investigational Bible study in the Gospel of John. He had developed relationships with several others and was expecting that they would join us in a study in the next several weeks. This day he was discouraged, almost depressed, as he said that he had almost called earlier in the day to cancel our meeting. Since we had last met, both he and his wife had been thinking about the direction the political scene was heading and it had consumed their time and energy. The anxiety and worry over these and other circumstance of life had exhausted their emotional margin.
Margin has been defined as the difference between our load and our limit. We usually think of margin as related to our use of time. Our over commitment to some activities and pursuits may prevent us from being able to accomplish what is most necessary in our lives. Charles Humbold addresses this in “Tyranny of the Urgent.” Less recognized is the need for emotional margin. I have heard this characterized by three statements, filling the tank of others without draining your own, satisfying the thirst of others without your own lips getting parched, and feeding the souls of others without your own being hungry.
In order to have emotional margin you need to know your capacity to handle your own emotional load as well as that of others. We all have different abilities to handle stressful situations in our own lives as well as the lives of others. A deficiency in our emotional margin has many causes. I Kings 18-19:4 relates three of these. These include physical fatigue, loneliness and following a spiritual high or victory in our lives. Laboring in an area where we are ungifted may also drain our emotional capacity. Emotional reserves are commonly exhausted from anger, jealousy, bitterness, resentment, irritation, and worry. The results of all of the above can cause depression, discouragement and fatigue.
The development of emotional margin is chronicled multiple times in the scriptures. The most familiar is the passage in Isaiah 40:31. “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.”(KJV) Waiting on the Lord is to spend time with the Lord much like a waiter does in a restaurant with their customer. A good waiter has their eyes on the customer, is available to them for anything they might want, and is responsive to their wishes. To wait upon the LORD is to keep our eyes on Him, trusting Him for the needed direction in our lives, and committed to responding to Him.
Psalm 91:1 is also a treasure for those seeking rest and recovery following a stressful day or situation. “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” (KJV) This is the picture, not of the person who runs out quickly after a time with the Lord, but one who dwells, who continues the conversation, who relishes in the presence of the Most High. The secret place is not a location, but a practice, perhaps of praise, worship, or thanksgiving. This, then, is the person who draws their strength, and their emotional capacity from the Almighty.
In Philippians the scriptures in chapter 4, verses 6-9 describe three activities, all of which contribute to our emotional stability and capacity. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” These direct our prayer life, our thought life and our daily activities that accomplish the formation of a life of peace and emotional margin.
The truth of these verses regarding emotional margin was brought home to me recently. My car had some difficulty starting for the past several months but the mechanics I had consulted said it was all right the way it was. One morning while driving in Wichita I missed a turn onto a major highway that I use and found myself in a residential neighborhood. Suddenly, the car stopped and I coasted quickly to a bike lane on the street. After calling for a tow truck, I was told that it would be 2 1/2 hours before they would arrive! My initial thoughts were to be upset at the mechanics who had failed in their responsibility, causing me unnecessary delays and expenses on a hot day. The more I thought about the hardships caused by what I assumed was the mechanic’s failure, the more upset I became. My emotional margin plummeted to near empty levels. At some point, the Lord intervened with my thought life and I considered what would have happened if I had not missed the turn onto the highway. A major accident would have probably occurred with my abrupt stop, alongside a busy highway in the heat, waiting at the roadside with traffic rushing by while I waited. I compared that situation to where I was actually located. It was one of the nicest neighborhoods in the city. I had stalled the car in front of a beautiful home with a garden, lots of pretty trees, flowers, and birds chirping in the trees. The gardener was attending the garden and I walked around enjoying the scenery. The owner of the house brought out a chair for me to sit in beside one of her shade trees and a glass of ice water which she refilled repeatedly. I had a choice to make in my thinking. I could apply Philippians 4:8 and be thankful and rejoice in God’s provisions or I could continue in my resentment at what I thought was the failure of the mechanics.
The demonstration of a life with emotional margin has been given to us by Christ. This life has been make available to us by His cross, resurrection, ascension and the pouring forth of the Holy Spirit into our lives. We can see some measure of this in a number of scriptures. I have listed five for our consideration. The first of these is His response to a busy schedule in Mark 1:21-38. After an incredibly busy day, He departed early in the morning to spend time with His father, seeking the father’s will for the next day. His response to His brother’s ridicule is mentioned in John 7:6-9. Again, he patiently explained to them his plans, not disturbed by their accusations. In John 16:31-33, he talks patiently and lovingly to those closest to Him who would forsake Him. In Matthew 11:25-30, Jesus, when faced by the rejection of the towns in which He has spent much time, began to praise the father for His plans for the redemption of the lost. HIs response to those crucifying Him on Calvary was to ask for their forgiveness. Luke 23:34.
In Matthew 11:28-30, we are given a treasure beyond belief. When we come to Jesus, there is not only rest for the spirit, the righteousness of Christ being imputed to us, but something greater than we could ever imagine. He tells us that if we take His yoke upon us, and learn from Him, that we can have soul rest. Major W. Ian Thomas describes the rest for the soul in these words. “God gains access to our human soul. This is where He Himself, as the Creator within the creature, can teach our minds, control our emotions, and direct our wills, so that He, as God from within, governs our behavior as we let God be God.” The Indwelling Life of Christ, Multnomah Books, 2006, p.22. Since He lives as the Creator within, we partake of His life and the demonstration of His life becomes ours. This is His desire for each one of us, and to the measure in which we take that yoke upon ourselves and learn of Him is the measure in which our thirst is quenched by Him, our tank is always full and our soul is satisfied.
In Christ, Richard Spann